A Treatise on the Classification of Various Personas @ IIT Roorkee

Life is a kaleidoscope. And so is College. You meet tons of ppl in life and though, classifying them based on similar characteristics might not be the best of jobs, it is definitely more interesting than counting fingers in a digitized binary image of a hand (Yeah, thats my Summer Project). So out of this utter joblessness and boredom springs out this post, which attempts to classify the crowd at IIT Roorkee (particularly my batch) into discrete sub-classes on the basis of well-defined parameters. Any suggestions or queries regarding the classification are requested to be forwarded to the author through comments. Anyway, here it goes....

a)“Kal Kurt Cobain ki Punya tithi hai” type species: Okay, this one is inspired frm somewhere, but this phrase describes this omnipresent species so aptly that it has to be included in the list. Almost every college has them and in fact the population of this particular species can be used to gauge the supposedly CQ ( “Coolness” Quotient) of that particular institution. These people love Black more than Satan and know it all about all those “hairy” issues. And more than often, these people know only two things more about Nirvana- lyrics of “Smells like Teen Spirits” and the birthday of Kurt Cobain( not to mention,which they celebrate with as much zeal as their gf’s birthday).

b)The Genuine “Kal Kurt Cobain ki Punya Tithi hai” species: Unlike the previous category, these type of people are really rare and are generally found in groups bonding with like-minded people. In fact the fake “Kal Kurt Cobain ki Punya Tithi hai” species had acquired such large numbers in recent times that it was only after some cutting edge research in this field that the existence of this species was established. But yeah, these people do exist and they take pride in themselves like nobody else. Each one of them is above the mundane mundanities of life with the Nirvana lyrics populating approximately 83% of their vocabulary (Yeah, Barney told me abt this). These people also have an uncanny ability to associate at least one Nirvana song with anything under the sun which may be something as insignificant as an eraser or something as significant as an Atom bomb. U name it, n they have it. It is a proven fact now that this species is aloof of all humanity and has serious difficulties in mingling with the members of any other species.

c)”The AT wing waale” species: For the uninitiated, AT (pronounced Aay-Tee)wing happens to be a block in Govind Bhawan (my hostel) at IIT Roorkee, where “A Few Good Men” (its a nice movie!)frm amongst this endless sea of jobless people reside. Undoubtedly, the most hard-working men ever born ,these people happen to be the source of most of the recurring migraine cases on campus. ( I say this only after numerous nukkad conversations with beings of the other branches). Prejudiced to sports, these people have been found to have a strong liking for Projects and the likes. And though, the source of their unwavering self-motivation is yet not known , spies have been already set free (exactly at 6 pm yesterday) to seek the elusive secret. The secret holds promise and may find applications in areas as varied as helping a hopeless failed suicide-attemptee to the pschoanalysis therapy of the Indian Hockey Team.

d)” The Holier-than-thou Branch Changers ” species: Fondly known as the BC’s (Pun intended!)........ exactly 83% of the fondness for them ends then and there. In the words of a certain dude by the name of Abraham Lincoln( 16th President Of United States Of America), these ppl are “ for the books, for the books and for the books”. Though the characteristics of this species might remind you of the “AT wing waale“ species and no doubt they are very similar, the crucial difference lies in the fact that they have been always like this(since birth). And although occassionaly spotted on a Tennis Court or in the T.V room, these sightings are more of an exception than the norm. Other very obvious characteristics are that they have a monopoly over the front seats, are the front-runners in submitting Tutorials and Assignments, sleep well before 12 midnight (Yes, this IS true) and always seem to know the syllabus of the test tommorrow well in advance. In short, they represent what IITians “should” be like but are not.

e) “The Mob” species: These are the “suppossedly” lesser beings on the campus who are neither 9 pointers , don’t have girlfriends (Actually this applies to the previous two species too) and haven’t even approached a single Professor for a Project (Surprise, Surprise!). Always, the first ones to leave for home, this species truly epitomises the –“Koi nahin yaar...Chalta hai” attitude, come what may. Kurt Cobain & Co. are as alien to them as the aliens themselves (No surprise here!) and usually depend on the “AT waale” and the “Holy BC’s” for tutorials and assignments.To nobody’s astonishment, this species comprises the majority of the campus population and in more formal terms is the “sea of jobless ppl” referred to in the third description. However, they do take solace in the fact that they are experts at CS and NFS and that Bill Gates was a college-dropout. When prodded about their out-of-sync lifestyle, they often quote Oscar Wilde,who once famously said-“ The Mob Rules!”.

f) “The Girly Girls” species: Non-existent. (The peculiar non-existence of this particular species can be accounted for by the adjective “Girly”).

g)"The Non-Girly Girls" species: Conspicuous by its extremely small population and sheer looks (Yeah, SHEER LOOKS! Thats all what it takes to identify them), this species is a specialty of the IITs. However, due to some God-Only-Knows reasons, the numbers have slightly increased in the past one year and as of the present day their population is being measured in terms of ppm (parts per million of dudes) instead of ppb (parts per billion of dudes).

As is the case with all the lists,above list is also in no way exhaustive and suggestions for further refinement of the classification would be gratefully accepted and given due credit.

P.S:@”The AT wing waale”
I love you all.

P.P.S:@”The Holier-than-thou BC’s”
I love you too.

P.P.P.S:@"The Girly Girls" Species
I really miss you.

P.P.P.P.S:@"The Non-Girly Girls" Species
Who cares...

P.P.P.P.P.S:@all
Yeah, the Mob does rule!